30 Days to a Better Love Life: Getting Over You’re Ex’s and Past Relationships

You are reading Day 2 of a 30 day series on how to improve your love life. Missed some days? Start from the beginning here! And be sure to JOIN MY NEWSLETTER to get the full series emailed to you when it’s complete!

Welcome back! So you’re head is clear, your past is in the past, and you’re ready to get rolling I see! Excellent! So here we go.

So where should I begin? The obvious starting point, of course. The first and most important thing to remember when working on your love life is… (drum roll please) FINDING SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY LIKE!Now, this seems overly obvious and pretty straight forward, but in reality, this is the real reason most relationships fail.

Here’s my theory… There is a large group of you that are “in love” with the idea of being “in love”. Because of this, too many relationship start off wonderful and fade throughout time. The reason? You didn’t really FIT with the person to begin with. This perpetuates itself in numerous different ways.

Love at First Sight
Here’s the scoop. It’s a myth. Do you want to know why? Because love is not what you’re feeling… It’s chemistry. I’ll be the first to admit, there are some people you meet that you just hit it off with. You get the feeling that they understand you and you connect on a much deeper level than you “should” with someone you just met. Most of the time this feeling isn’t “wrong”. Chemistry cannot be faked.

This is where a lot of people get hung up. It’s not called chemistry without reason. It’s the fundamental element of a good relationship, BUT it’s just one part. There are many important parts of a relationship that have nothing to do with chemistry. They also cannot be discovered in the first 10 minutes of meeting someone.

This is why so many relationships start off with a bang and end with a sizzle.

People Don’t Usually Change. Your Perception About Them Does!
The reason most couples end long term relationships is the dreaded “we grew apart” or “he/she’s so much different than when I met him/her”. While on occasion this is actually true, most of the time it just SEEMS true.

Nearly every relationship begins well, because, honestly, you wouldn’t get in a relationship if it wasn’t going well. When things are going well, it’s easy to project them going well for a long period of time, or even forever. At this point most people will tell you that this “honeymoon stage” must end. I am not most people.

I believe that the honeymoon stage is one of the main problems with relationships. You create a relationship that isn’t real. Dating/Courting is NOT the most ideal way to start a relationship and many times is actually the dagger that eventually pierces many relationships. Rather than finding someone who you get along with and who you really LIKE, you find someone who can MANUFACTURE those feelings.

So how does all this help you have better relationships? That’s simple! You need to be aware of the traps you can fall in and put checks in place to ensure you’re meeting the right people and “falling” for the right people. In addition, it’s vital that you are yourself from the beginning of every potential relationship and that you don’t “give in” to ensure that “he/she will like me”.

You are who you are. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t like YOU! It’s nearly impossible to think about these things when you are in the process of falling for someone. Logic takes a back seat to emotion and hormones.

So here’s today’s “love work”. Make a list of qualities you WANT in a partner and that you DON’T WANT in a partner. Look back on past relationships and find the qualities in your exes that were “deal breakers” as well as things that that you loved about them and make note. Try to keep the list to just the things you MUST have and the things you CAN’T have.

Do all this very logically and keep your emotion out of it. Take special care not to project qualities onto situations. Just because your ex’s parents were divorced doesn’t mean you should knock off everyone who fits that mold. Just because your ex loved animals doesn’t mean everyone who loves dogs is going to be loving and caring.

Once you have this list, memorize it. Study it. And use it! This will help you look much more objectively at all potential mates and give you a much better chance of succeeding. It will also ensure that you’re finding someone YOU like. If you do this and don’t give in from the beginning, you have a great chance of getting serious with someone who is actually good for you!

One more note… It’s never bad to be picky. Don’t fall into the trap of falling for someone because they show interest. Be selective and never settle. That’s the best way to ensure you meet a person who you actually LIKE!

See you tomorrow… And I’ll be checking that list! Feel free to post your list as a comment if you want to be help accountable. That’s always key to success!

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