30 Days to a Better Love Life: Learn to Love Being Single

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So if you did your homework, you know what qualities you are looking for in a potential mate, right? Right? Today I’ll cover one of the most important and most overlook aspects of finding a successful, happy relationship.

Today’s Motto: “The only way you are going to date a great guy/girl is to be dating him/her in the present, or be single and available.”

If you aren’t with a wonderful guy/girl and you aren’t AVAILABLE, how in the world are you going to find a great guy? So today we’re going to focus on getting over past relationships, learning the powers of being a happy single, and getting rid of the hanger-oners.

The most logical place to start is getting over past relationships. Whether they are recent break-ups, your first love that you’ve never fully gotten past, or just a string of bad relationships that have you jaded, this is a key for happy relationships. Too many people project their ex’s bad qualities and habit onto all future relationships and hold “all men/women” accountable for what their ex’s did.

Break-ups are hard. No matter who breaks up, if you wanted to or not, and if the person is good for you or not. At least one of you will still have feelings (or it won’t be hard getting over anyway, and they don’t count) and it’s always hurtful to know someone doesn’t care about you anymore. You must remember, most of the “hurt” in break-ups is because of hurt pride and fear of the unknown.

The key to getting over someone is deciding that’s what needs to happen. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of remembering the good times and knowing he/her could have been great for you. DON’T! If they were great for you, you’d still be together. And if for some reason you broke up for a bad reason and you still are madly in love and going to get married, it can still happen… You just need to give it time to ensure that’s actually the case rather than

The other “trap” is becoming “friends”. This rarely ever works, especially in cases where you had a deep, long term relationship. Becoming friends with your ex is not fair to you, not fair to them, and not fair to potential relationships in the future. This is DOUBLY important if the ex was a friend before hand. You can’t go back! That’s why it is VITALLY important you pick wisely. If you decide to be friends, give it time, and not just a week. Most of the time, “friends” just means at least one of you wants to keep close enough to keep the door open.

The key to remember about ex’s is, they are an ex for a reason. They will be MUCH easier to get over if you’re confident, having fun, and believe that you will find someone better. That’s what we need to work on next… Learn how to be a happy single and you won’t NEED a boyfriend/girlfriend… and ex’s will lose that magical power over you.

I contend that the biggest “problem” with relationships in this day in age is that people have no idea how to be single. Even when it’s put in a positive light, basically it just means you’re allowed to go to the bar, take home some random guy/girl, and have no ramifications. Or its “great” because you can go out with so many new guys, girls, couples, whatever…

I’m here to tell you being single can and should be great, and not for any of those reasons. It shouldn’t have anything to do with the opposite sex. It should be great because while single, you get to focus on yourself without being selfish. For some of you, it will take some getting used to, but you really can learn to love being really, truly single!

I’ve never understood how someone can expect another person to be happy with them if he/she isn’t happy with himself/herself. It’s important that you learn what you like and what makes you happy so you can find a partner that can personify those traits and engage in those activities. Relationships are all about give and take. Being single is all about discovering yourself and assuring that you bring to the table your true self to give.

That brings me to my last point, which I will just discuss briefly now and in more depth later. It’s very important to get rid of the hanger-oners. These are those guys/girls that you know like you and you keep around purely because they boost your self esteem. Not only is that very flawed logic, hanger-oners really only hinder your ability to meet someone.

These hanger-oners usually fill rolls left by not having a relationship. Whether it’s someone to always talk to, someone who adores you or wants you, or even fulfills sexual needs, these are usually empty relationships that end up hurting your cause more than helping it.

Being lonely is not an excuse to keep around people who do nothing but give you something to do. Rather than learning about yourself and finding yourself, you continue to get trapped in bad habits and hanging out with guys/girls who you honestly are not good for you.

So today’s assignment should be fairly obvious… Take a look at your life and highlight those past relationships, people, and situations that are bringing you down. Look logically at your life and identify those people that are holding you back and the people you want to move forward with and begin that process. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen if you work for it. No one wants to date someone who is trapped in their past.

Remember, meeting the guy/girl of your dreams is only half the battle… Being in the state of mind to assure it works out another huge part. Kill two birds with one stone. Find out about YOU… What you like… what you want to do with your life… If you love being single, the hang-oners won’t be needed. You will fulfill your own needs and you will put yourself in a position to meet someone who is good for you!

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