So I was looking around at the urinal the other day

I’ll be honest… Most of the time the world really does make sense. Whatever goes up, must come down (unless of course it’s in outer space). Girls fall in love with boys who fall in love with girls and get married (unless of course girls fall in love with girls and guys fall in love with guys and aren’t allowed to get married). Trees and flowers will bloom and grow, then shed those blossoms and become bare (unless of course they happen to grow near the equator and pretty much are always in bloom)…

What I guess I’m trying to say is, the world’s pretty easy to understand… And even when it’s not really doing what it’s “supposed” to, it somehow still makes perfect sense. There’s very little that happens that completely perplex me…

All that brings me to my story… My little case study, if you will (I think this is a case study… that sounds kinda scientific and I happen to not believe in science)…

So I was in the bathroom last night at the bar and witnessed a strange, yet ever-growing phenomenon… I have noticed this quite often lately… So often that it can no longer be a couple isolated incidences. Now, before I go any further, I must set the record “straight” (pun intended)… I am a look straight forward at above the urinal kinda guy. I am not out to compare nor contrast my junk with the other junk down the row… I’m not “sizing” up the competition… Nothing like that…

Yet, I have noticed, with my incredibly in-depth peripheral vision, that a growing (no pun intended) number of guys… Undo their belt to piss. Apparently it’s pretty much the thing to do… Last night at the bar, every single person who walked up, present company excluded, undid their belt before urinating… WHY?!? Someone please explain this to me… I am searching for the answer… But while searching, I’ve come up with a couple plausible explanations and cleverly named them for the sake of humor…

The Caveman Theory
Have you ever seen the Nature Channel? The hunter always stalks his prey, finds the weakest of the heard and pounces. And while humans are a bit more sophisticated than that, we still have a bit of the natural hunter instincts. You see where this is going, right? You have the guy at the end of the row checking out the other alpha-males to see which is the weakest… Which male he can dominate and steal his catch… He saw you with that super-fly blonde and he’s checking to see if you’re packing enough punch to hold him off… So you have a little dick? What are you to do? How are you to keep this dude off the superfly blonde? You do what man has done for hundreds of years… You trick him… Brains always beat out Brute… So you flop out your recockulously long belt which conveniently is shaped like a flaccid penis… He can’t get a good look, because that’s gay, but he sees a couple inches more than he’s got and slinks out of the bathroom and orders another drink alone…

The Crimped Hose/Ghetto Pants Theory
Have you ever stepped on a hose while watering the flowers? You will notice that the water flow significantly lowers, if not shuts down completely. Applying that theory to our little bathroom discussion, maybe guys are wearing their pants so low these days, that the belt is cutting off their pee-vein (this is, in fact the technical term… I did look it up)… Girls hate boys who wear pants at their waist… That was so 1998. Now the hunnies want the boys who waddle to keep their pants up… So the only way to un-crimp the pee-vein is to undo the belt, allowing free flowing of the urine. A very scientific debate, I know, but plausible none-the-less…

Shock and Awe
Have you ever actually STOOD in the chick line to the bathroom in the bar? Girls apparently don’t know how to pee too good, because it takes them freakin’ FOREVER! So what happens… You have the super drunk chicks who is pretty damn sexy who pretty much thinks she owns the world… That beeya isn’t waiting in line… DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS? So she just slips into the boy’s bathroom… She’s hammered and horny, so she’s definitely taking a peek down the urinal to pick out her grade A meat for the night… Perception is reality in this case, especially with drunk, horny girls… As long as you can get them to your house, she won’t turn you down even though you only have a 3 inch dong… SO you flop out the belt, pray that she’s had enough to have the vision fuzzy, so it looks like it’s in 3D and BLAMEO… You snagged the hot slut who thinks you have a 10 inch dong…

There’s probably a bit more simple explanation, but I can’t think of one… So someone, please tell me… Am I right? On the right track? Completely off base? Inquiring minds MUST know! Because I really have to pee…

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